Garbage Time Week 6

This is gonna be a short one this week, I feel like ass. No real upsets this week, probably another rankings shakeup though. Anyway, here we go.

Game of the Week

I can't catch a fucking break. I lose Millsap for the season and Wall for an extended period in back to back weeks. Honestly, I'm surprised I was able to keep it close at all.  We traded wins night after night, and played hot potato with the lead until it all came down to Sunday, I've already spoken on that, but Logan got it man, no saltiness on my end, well at least not anymore.  Injuries happen, and while you want competitive games, and to beat opponents at their best, you take what you're given. Charlotte won 1211-1177. The Hornets are currently trailing the Blazers in week 7 by 30, while the Pelicans are 100 up on the Heat and will need every point of it for night 2.  Looking ahead, I really feel like my team is going to fall apart, I used to have depth, but making a hail mary play of dropping Hayward and Millsap to try to push for a win, only to have it blow up in my face tilted me hard, I'm not gonna lie, and I just don't have the depth I once did. I can only hope IT2 becomes available for me sooner rather than later.

Game of the Week #2

I really thought Heath was going to pull off the upset and continue his ascent, but NEH-EH. Bradley wasn't having none of that! Although neither of them used hardly any acquisitions, Toronto 2 to San Antonio's 0. I dunno man, I think I might have been right in my call last week, where San Antonio starts losing because he doesn't appear to have players he's comfortable with dropping. He might have to actually make a big trade to open some slots if he wishes this loss to simply be a bump in the road. The Raptors move to 5-1 on the season, reclaiming the top spot in the rankings. Meanwhile the Spurs now share the same record as the Knicks. Both teams are facing 1-5 record teams this week in the Rockets and Bulls.

Sorry for the short write-up, but I'm gonna go back to coughing up a lung now. See you next time.

Garbage Time Week 5 ramblings and awards.

Boys, I done kilt me a dinosar!  The undefeated Raptors fell, the Heat barely made it to room temperature, and the Bulls fucking won! I even found footage of the event.

What a fuckin' week, eh boys? This is the first time so far that I've actually wanted to recount the games. Everyone but the Miami Tepid Bathwater and the New York Pizza's had game of the week candidates. We had comebacks and heartbreak, we had upsets, we had a return to glory, and what could be the beginning of a fall from grace. And guess what???  I'm gonna cover it all.

First up...

Holy fucking shit balls. The Cleveland Browns Chicago Bulls just beat the Patriots Charlotte Hornets.  Like, I don't have words.  I'm sure Logan was expecting to get lambasted over this, but Jesus Fucking Christ what happened? Were you too distracted by War Games and Survivor Series man? Kudos to Kris for wanting to prove he wasn't a bye week, but damn. Maybe it wasn't that bad,hold on let me check our power ran....Nope, yeah, he's ranked last and the Hornets are were ranked first...  It's that bad. Good news is that this proves anything can happen. The bad news is that anything can happen.  And happen it did! After both teams came out of the gate strong on night one, the Hornets had a solid lead. However, a small Tuesday slate proved to be just the opportunity Kris needed to take the lead in night two. Night three was a close contest with only a 3.5 point difference which allowed Kris to end night 3 with a .5 point lead over Logan.  Neither team was able to take advantage of yet another small slate on Thursday, but allowed Logan to take a meager 15 point lead heading into Friday. Another night, another close score, as the Bulls eek out Friday with a score of 255.5-251.5.  Logan was barely holding on at this point with only 11 points separating him and total humiliation.  He needed to win night 6 handily and put this game away. Win it, he did, but not by enough. He managed to pad his lead by another 14 points, so if you kiddies are keeping score at home the Hornets are up by 25, leading 947.5- 922.5.  Game 7 would decide it.  The Charlotte Hornets nursing a small lead with 6 players headed by star Center Nikola Jokic, and The Chicago Bulls with 7 players headed by a Wall-less Bradley Beal. The Bulls and Hornets would both need a solid night, and with everything at stake, the Hornets fell apart. Against a Lakers team that allows almost 55 fantasy points per game to the Center position, and in a game where Paul Millsap exited in the first half, Jokic laid a turd. 6 Points and 6 Rebounds against the Lakers? Are you fucking kidding me? Brook Lopez doesn't even know how to spell defense, let alone play it.  I guess it's kismet that Kris owned Brook Lopez for this game, because he went above average for 37 points to Jokic's absurdly disappointing 18.5.  This performance would sum up Logan's night as none of his players managed to crack the 30 point mark, while 5 of Kris' 7 players managed to hit 30 or better. The night ended 217.5-131.5, giving the Bulls the game.set.and match. They always say the first win is the hardest, and now that Kris has had a taste, I'm sure he's hungry for #2.  He'll get his chance against a reeling Trailblazer squad who's lost 2 straight and is desperate to never fall to the bottom of the ranks again.  Meanwhile, Logan, who is also on an 0-2 run, faces me, who is currently on an 4-0 run, it should be a match to watch, especially since I may have lost John Wall, Tim Hardaway Jr., and Paul Millsap for an indeterminate period of time.

Comeback of the Week

For those of you that only pay attention to your own teams, and not everything else going on week to week, you may have missed this game.  I mean it's the Rockets losing, that's not unusual. Right? Well, except that for most of the week, the Rockets were winning. The Rockets won nights 1,3,and 5 by a difference of 191.5 points! You may then ask, what the fuck went wrong? Well friends, I'll tell you. Better yet, let me show you with a potato.

He may hate me for it, but I think it's his own fault. Now granted, he had some shitty nights from some of his players later in the week, but he had 4/7 acquisitions. That's the same as leaving points on the bench.  Am I saying, if he used all 7, he would have won? No, but what I am saying is, they lost by less than 50 points, and any 3 players combined on a given night can attain that, go a step further and imagine if he had picked up a player who had a game on more than 1 night that he was missing players, and that's easy to make up. I think that after night 1 and night 3, the Rockets got comfortable, and that cost them, because little did he know, the Spurs ain't nothin' to fuck with. The Rocket's are a much better team their record suggests (6th in points scored(500 more than the Spurs), 1st in points against), and anyone that thought the Spurs would win this match-up handily, haven't been paying attention. But the Spurs are on a mission, and they've made the moves necessary to overcome most obstacles in this league.  I know the Rockets are salty after that loss, and it's a long season, but the time to right the ship is now for the Rockets, and they will have that chance against a very beatable Knicks team in week 6, and if I know anything about Beau, it's that he knows how to take down some pizza.  Week 6 has another test for the Spurs as they take on the 4-1 Raptors. The Spurs are looking for their 3rd straight win, and acknowledgment as a top contender, while the Raptors will look to prove their first loss was merely a setback on their road to the championship.

Blowout of the Week

It all started with a post.

Both teams sitting at 1-win were talking a big game. Then the potato happened.

We all laughed. Savage AF.

The Heat apparently let too much of that 'steam' loose, and by the end of the week, weren't even hot enough to reheat Bobby's cold pizza. The Knicks blew out the Heat 1193-902.5, which, to be fair is a pretty shitty blowout, every other game just happened to be closer. But Miami had the highest point scorer of the week in DeMar DeRozan, so he's got that going for him, which is nice. The Heat will more than likely begin to reach subzero temperatures in week 6 against the Minnesota JoeyWolves, while the Knicks will try to reach 3 wins by clogging up the Rockets boosters with some old pizza.

Don't Call it a Comeback

Joey after night 7,"Man, that was a close call, I almost lost my third straight game, Matt Parlier's team is no joke."

Matt after night 7,"Fuck me, not again, of course Joey fucking beat me." 

In what's becoming a biannual league tradition, The Timberwolves came from behind to beat the Trailblazers in what has to be the biggest heart-breaker for Matt in the Dynasty era, and increases Joey's wins to 5-0 in the meetings.

Posting a 241-78.5 night on Saturday must have felt amazing, but going into Sunday with the lead guarantees nothing. And unfortunately for Portland, I'm sure any elation soon dissipated as soon as he looked at Sunday's lineup.  Matt simply ran out of players, and only had 3 to go up against a full slate from Minnesota.  For Joey, this was a much needed win that stemmed the bleeding from an 0-2 slide.  For Matt, this was more a matter of personal pride than record, as I feel he wants to beat Joey as badly as Beau wants to beat me. Either way, things aren't looking good, as the Trailblazers have gone from 3-0 to 3-2 while only being 5th in points scored and 9th in points against. The Trailblazers have a tricky match-up in week 6 where they'll look to Stop the Flop when they face the Bulls, who on one hand are 1-4, while on the other, just defeated the Hornets. It's a must-win situation for both teams, but especially the Trailblazers, where the competition in the west is much stiffer. Joey, on the other hand, will look to start a run by cooling down the already tepid Heat, shouldn't take more than an ice cube or two.

If I learned one thing this week, it's you can't count the Raptors out. Ever. I held a 200 point lead for most of the week, including the only 300 point night in the league for the week. Night 1-4 went by swimmingly, then night 5, Bradley started to mount a comeback, winning consecutive nights back to back, including a crushing 236-96.5 Saturday. Going into Sunday I only had a 20 point lead, John Wall was declared out for Sunday's game, and I only had a 1-player advantage over Bradley's Raptors. For the first time all week, I thought,"I.could.lose.this." As the games started, fear took hold, Bradley passed me. I didn't check the score again until the last games started, I wanted to holdout hope for as long as possible, but I didn't feel good about it. Allen Crabbe went for 33, DeMarre Carroll for 34.5, Bogdanovic for 34, ALL OF HIS GUYS WERE GOING OFF...Then my steal of the year, Andre Drummond, and TJ Warren started showing up in the 2nd half, going for 55 and 47.5 respectively.  I retook the lead heading into the 10:30 game, where he had Brandon Ingram remaining and I had Paul Millsap and Julius Randle. Millsap went for 14 fantasy points in the first quarter, then left the game with an injury, a comeback was unlikely at this point, but if one thing is for certain in this game, it's never say never. However, thankfully for me, on this night, Julius Randle was outplaying Brandon Ingram and kept my lead intact to win 1341-1282, not only upsetting the Raptors by handing them their first loss, but also becoming the first and only team to break the 6000 point mark on the season. The Toronto Drakes have a tough match this week as they face the Up-and-coming Spurs, who'd like to cement their contender status with a win over the #1 seed. My Pelicans, too, have a rough go-ahead against the Hornets who are on an 0-2 skid and will look to resume winning sooner, rather than later.

Looking Ahead:
Match-ups to watch in Week 6

Week 4 Wrap-Up

The Rockets win, the Blazers and Hornets fall, and Joey is .500 for the first time in his career. What a fuckin' week.

STF after week 4

The league is in kind of a shitstorm. Apparently the only teams who's points scored reflects their record are the Minnesota Timberwolves (5th), the Knicks (9th), and the Chicago Hader-Vaneks Bulls (10th). This is probably the first, and last time those two teams share any categorical stat with Joey.

In the Eastern Conference, It's a tale of two teams, and in the latest chapter, Toronto has claimed the throne. Bradley sits alone at 4-0 with a horseshoe planted firmly up his ass with the least points scored against in the league(same as last week), while only bolstering the 4th most points scored(5th last week, so he is trending up).  Call me biased, but hopefully his streak comes to an end this week against...well...me. 

Meanwhile, in the much more competitive West, the Trail Blazers have a half a game on my Pelicans for the top spot, with the Spurs and Timberwolves tied for 3rd. San Antonio has done some amazing roster maneuvering lately and stands to be a real threat unless he's painted himself into a corner of having too many good players and limiting his weekly drop/add options. The season's still young, and as it stands now, it's anybody's game. Not even the Rockets are out of contention.

Now without further ado...

Shitshow of the Week

In this week's episode of 'which team can manage to be worse than the other', Miami decided it's not gonna take it anymore! He saw the ridicule-filled doldrums for which he was headed and said 'No more!' Although the Bulls managed to win 2 nights, Travis' Heat thrashed the Bulls 1257-900.5 in a mostly one-sided contest. Now, it says the Bulls used all 7 of their match-up acquisitions, which makes the fact that Kris is obviously trying all the more sad. "Hey Kris, you're supposed to use your acquisitions on night's when you don't have players." XD Looking ahead to week 5, the Heat get a very winnable match-up against some stale pizza. Meanwhile the end of the tunnel still isn't within sight, as the Bulls drew the short straw and face what is very possibly a pissed off Hornets squad that is seeking redemption following their first loss of the season.

Blowout of the Week

While technically the Heat had the biggest blowout win of the week, I'll be damned if I give this award to the two special needs kids playing tee-ball.  Instead, this match-up gets this award.  While, personally, based on my regular season record against Joey, I'd call this an upset, but truth be told, when either of us wins, it never really is. The upset of this game, in my opinion, was that it didn't come down to the last night, and wasn't the game of the week that I had predicted it would be. I don't know if it was an off-week for the Wolves or what, but what started as a week of elation for me turned to indifference by week's end.

Joey will even probably agree with me when I say the 1267-1091.5 score didn't really feel as close as the numbers show. My Pelicans held the lead all seven nights and won handily on the back of my son's 155 fantasy points. I know our teams aren't the same as in years past, but after day three this just felt...different.  I'm not saying it's the end but after three years, maybe our storied rivalry has run it's course. However, my goals did not begin and end with the Timberwolves, I'm still determined to claim the throne, this was merely step one. "The King is dead, long live the King." Next up: The Raptors. 

Upset of the Week       

The Spurs ain't playin' around. Their deal for Stephen Curry immediately paid dividends as the Spurs felled the previously undefeated Trail Blazers in a close game.  I suppose Heath was tired of getting lost in the shuffle as an 'also-ran' and used this game to prove he's a threat to be reckoned with. Despite an absolutely bonkers week from James Harden, Matt's Blazers just couldn't get the job done against the underdog Spurs, and suffered his first defeat of the season with a score of 1134-1059 in a game of the week candidate. Looking ahead to week 5, the Spurs are going to look to keep the ball rolling against the Rockets, while the Blazers are going to be in for a fight against the Minnesota Timberwolves that are on a 2 loss skid.

Game of the Week

All eyes were on this game, as the winner would likely be claiming first place in the standings going into week 5. The 3-0 Raptors, whom people had considered 'overrated', faced the 3-0 Hornets, whom many had already crowned as the 'best team' in the league. You expect games like this to go down to the wire, and all-in-all, it did, until limited position options forced Logan to leave 44.5 points on the bench on the 10th, and his team just straight let him down on the 11th.  What should have been an easy 300 point night, instead resulted in disappointing performances from Mike Conley, Jrue Holiday,  LeBron James, and Nikola Vucevic. Mike Conley, in particular has been a disappointment for the Hornets, and might find himself being shipped out of Charlotte sooner, rather than later.  Toronto, on the other hand, ignored all the negativity surrounding him and showed LeBron isn't the only one deserving of the title 'King'. Sitting undefeated, it's pretty easy to block out the noise of all the haters, especially if you believe your own hype, and it's apparent that Bradley does. He's in rare air now, and all alone atop the mountain.  It begs the question, "Can anyone stop him?"  He takes on the Pelicans next week, and having won 3 straight, I believe I have a chance to put the first chink in his armor.  The Hornets, on the other hand face the Chicago Bulls  have a bye.

That's all for this week, if anyone has any feedback, or suggestions on awards you would like to be featured, I can add/replace or whatever, just let me know in the Facebook comments, I do this for you guys, so anything I can do to make it more entertaining, lmk.

Early Season Impressions and awards, plus week 3 wrap-up

Sorry for slacking guys, my schedule has been hectic to begin the season, and as far as a weekly blog was concerned...

But, good news everyone! I'm back and ready to talk Fantasy Basketball with a level of snark and jadedness only yours truly can provide, or so I thought, Matt Parlier really stepped his game up, maybe this blog isn't even required anymore, but hey there's no such thing as too many blogs dedicated to telling everyone how shit the Chicago Bulls are, in fact, the only team that might be worse than the Bulls, is well, the real Chicago Bulls.  

Welcome back 'errbody! Let's start with the obvious... We blew this mother fucker up.  It was obvious everyone just feared my impending ascension to the throne, so the obvious answer was to Michael Bay the shit out of the league before my dynasty could begin.

But I'm not worried, I shall take my rightful place alongside Joey in our league's pantheon soon enough, it is my destiny. But for realsies, it needed to be done, and in doing so we cut our worst team (The Celtics) Which in kind of an ironic turn the first logo I made had the Celtics logo instead of the Bulls by mistake, I guess all bad teams look the same to me. We also added a new member in Bobby Moore. I'd like to formally welcome you to the brotherhood, while adding this.

I'm the one that 'hates' you. Come at me bro.

Well not 'hate'. Hate is a strong word. It's more like, you know when someone cuts you off in traffic, or you walk into a restroom and you watch some guy walk out without flushing or washing his hands, and internally, you're just like, "fuck that guy"? Well, that's how I felt about you. I could get into the mental spiral of why, and then the why behind the why, etc. but that shit's boring,  And it doesn't matter anyway, after I verbalized it to Matt in the survey, I didn't care anymore, so we're all good homie.

Now that that's done with, let's get on with this shit show.

So, after three weeks, we have three undefeated teams.  And by the looks of the way this week is going, there's only going to be one remaining heading into week five, who that is remains to be seen, because the Hornets and Raptors are having a barn burner this week. More on that later, because now we have to talk about weeks 1-3...

Week 1 Awards

Blowout of the Week

2016

2017

I'm Mr. 14-4. I'm the Peyton Manning of goddamned fantasy basketball, while Joey's been Tom Terrific. I've been a regular season god, but always seem to come up short of the big one. I was eliminated by Joey in the finals in 2015 and 2016 and ousted by Heath in the semi's in 2017.  Meanwhile, the Portland Trailblazers traded their best player to the Timberwolves in 2016 for magic beans and stayed at the bottom of the rankings year over year. In fact, as Matt Parlier pointed out in his article, he has never beaten me. And honestly, it's never been close. Over two seasons, I've beaten Matt's Trailblazers, previously the Failblazers, by a accumulated 1344.5 points. That's over 330 points per game. And he destroyed me week one.  I've never lost a game before week 4 before, let alone gotten blown out in week one. Hell, I didn't even break a thousand, which has only happened twice in my entire fucking career. Meanwhile, I'm not sure Matt's managed to win a game in the first 4 weeks since we've been a dynasty league prior to this season either. But kudos brother, you fucking wrecked me by two hundo #feelsgoodman.  Looks like you're having a rough go of it this week with the Spurs, and you have Joey next week, so good luck with that. I'm in the same boat though, if I can pull this week out against Joey, I have Bradley's Raptors to look forward to next week, 'yay me', he says sarcastically...

Game of the Week

I mean...I guess? It was the closest game, but seeing as the Hornets are sitting at 3-0 and the New York Pizza Slices are at 1-2 and might be going to 1-3 this week due to Beau's injury bug hitting KD at the right time and missing Whiteside for once, the closeness of this game was chalked up mostly to having half of his roster being lucky enough to play opening night. This game is more of a testament to how good Logan's team really is, he overcame a night one deficit of 110 on a shortened week to win by 10. After the tough matchup this week, the Hornets get a bye week against the Bulls in week 5, while the Knicks try to put up a win against the also currently winless Miami Heat.

Week 2 Awards

I know what you're thinking. "Wait, aren't there usually more of these?" And you're right, but this is already gonna be a hella long article, so I thought I'd shorten it a bit. 

Blowout(s) of the Week

All of these were lopsided AF, The Winning teams collective record is 11-1, while the losing teams collective record is the inverse at 1-11. What a coinkidink.  The Hornets/Miami game isn't included on this list because the game literally came down to Charlotte going off for 307 to 83.5 on night 7.

Game of the Week

A rematch of the 2016-2017 finals took place in week two and did not disappoint, the T-Wolves jumped out to a big lead early, and try as he might, despite a valiant effort, came up short. Despite starting 1-2 the Spurs are looking to turn it around early and are on pace to beat the undefeated Blazers this week, while I may pull the upset and beat Joey in our first meeting of the season.

Week 3 Awards

Blowout of the Week

These are getting shorter and shorter because I'm sick of typing, I'm sorry guys, but I'm really not sorry, except I feel like I'm putting out shit content just to put out content, and for that I am sorry. Should be better next week. 

My Pelicans came through big for the 2nd week in a row after an abysmal week one to down the Spurs 1318-1153, my week was bolstered by an absolutely insane single night score

of 335, while the Spurs only managed a high of 244 on the week. The Spurs have since bolstered their roster with a lopsided AF trade for Steph Curry, I'm fucking sorry, but that was dumb, a number 1 pick should never go for 2 mid-rounders, unless they completely bust. I expect Heath will return to being a contender moving forward.

Game of the Week

In what could very well be a preview of this years finals, the Hornets handily defeated the Timberwolves 1357.5-1281.5.  And again, the game all came down to Sunday, where the Hornets put up a +76.5 over Joey's Wolves thanks to monster games by the Unicorn and the King.  And wouldn't you know it, Logan won by 76 points. The Hornets are on a roll, standing atop the mountain at 3-0 currently, but he's not alone. We'll have to wait til next week to find out if he's the last man standing. The Timberwolves, meanwhile, seem to be in a bit of a flux due to what's really been a lackluster year from KAT and Kyle Lowry, but you know, he will find some way to flip Jeff Teague for Anthony Davis or something and right the ship soon enough.

I'll be back next week with a week 4 recap that will be far more in depth and just...ya know...better.  Until then, I'm out.