Early Season Impressions and awards, plus week 3 wrap-up

Sorry for slacking guys, my schedule has been hectic to begin the season, and as far as a weekly blog was concerned...

But, good news everyone! I'm back and ready to talk Fantasy Basketball with a level of snark and jadedness only yours truly can provide, or so I thought, Matt Parlier really stepped his game up, maybe this blog isn't even required anymore, but hey there's no such thing as too many blogs dedicated to telling everyone how shit the Chicago Bulls are, in fact, the only team that might be worse than the Bulls, is well, the real Chicago Bulls.  

Welcome back 'errbody! Let's start with the obvious... We blew this mother fucker up.  It was obvious everyone just feared my impending ascension to the throne, so the obvious answer was to Michael Bay the shit out of the league before my dynasty could begin.

But I'm not worried, I shall take my rightful place alongside Joey in our league's pantheon soon enough, it is my destiny. But for realsies, it needed to be done, and in doing so we cut our worst team (The Celtics) Which in kind of an ironic turn the first logo I made had the Celtics logo instead of the Bulls by mistake, I guess all bad teams look the same to me. We also added a new member in Bobby Moore. I'd like to formally welcome you to the brotherhood, while adding this.

I'm the one that 'hates' you. Come at me bro.

Well not 'hate'. Hate is a strong word. It's more like, you know when someone cuts you off in traffic, or you walk into a restroom and you watch some guy walk out without flushing or washing his hands, and internally, you're just like, "fuck that guy"? Well, that's how I felt about you. I could get into the mental spiral of why, and then the why behind the why, etc. but that shit's boring,  And it doesn't matter anyway, after I verbalized it to Matt in the survey, I didn't care anymore, so we're all good homie.

Now that that's done with, let's get on with this shit show.

So, after three weeks, we have three undefeated teams.  And by the looks of the way this week is going, there's only going to be one remaining heading into week five, who that is remains to be seen, because the Hornets and Raptors are having a barn burner this week. More on that later, because now we have to talk about weeks 1-3...

Week 1 Awards

Blowout of the Week

2016

2017

I'm Mr. 14-4. I'm the Peyton Manning of goddamned fantasy basketball, while Joey's been Tom Terrific. I've been a regular season god, but always seem to come up short of the big one. I was eliminated by Joey in the finals in 2015 and 2016 and ousted by Heath in the semi's in 2017.  Meanwhile, the Portland Trailblazers traded their best player to the Timberwolves in 2016 for magic beans and stayed at the bottom of the rankings year over year. In fact, as Matt Parlier pointed out in his article, he has never beaten me. And honestly, it's never been close. Over two seasons, I've beaten Matt's Trailblazers, previously the Failblazers, by a accumulated 1344.5 points. That's over 330 points per game. And he destroyed me week one.  I've never lost a game before week 4 before, let alone gotten blown out in week one. Hell, I didn't even break a thousand, which has only happened twice in my entire fucking career. Meanwhile, I'm not sure Matt's managed to win a game in the first 4 weeks since we've been a dynasty league prior to this season either. But kudos brother, you fucking wrecked me by two hundo #feelsgoodman.  Looks like you're having a rough go of it this week with the Spurs, and you have Joey next week, so good luck with that. I'm in the same boat though, if I can pull this week out against Joey, I have Bradley's Raptors to look forward to next week, 'yay me', he says sarcastically...

Game of the Week

I mean...I guess? It was the closest game, but seeing as the Hornets are sitting at 3-0 and the New York Pizza Slices are at 1-2 and might be going to 1-3 this week due to Beau's injury bug hitting KD at the right time and missing Whiteside for once, the closeness of this game was chalked up mostly to having half of his roster being lucky enough to play opening night. This game is more of a testament to how good Logan's team really is, he overcame a night one deficit of 110 on a shortened week to win by 10. After the tough matchup this week, the Hornets get a bye week against the Bulls in week 5, while the Knicks try to put up a win against the also currently winless Miami Heat.

Week 2 Awards

I know what you're thinking. "Wait, aren't there usually more of these?" And you're right, but this is already gonna be a hella long article, so I thought I'd shorten it a bit. 

Blowout(s) of the Week

All of these were lopsided AF, The Winning teams collective record is 11-1, while the losing teams collective record is the inverse at 1-11. What a coinkidink.  The Hornets/Miami game isn't included on this list because the game literally came down to Charlotte going off for 307 to 83.5 on night 7.

Game of the Week

A rematch of the 2016-2017 finals took place in week two and did not disappoint, the T-Wolves jumped out to a big lead early, and try as he might, despite a valiant effort, came up short. Despite starting 1-2 the Spurs are looking to turn it around early and are on pace to beat the undefeated Blazers this week, while I may pull the upset and beat Joey in our first meeting of the season.

Week 3 Awards

Blowout of the Week

These are getting shorter and shorter because I'm sick of typing, I'm sorry guys, but I'm really not sorry, except I feel like I'm putting out shit content just to put out content, and for that I am sorry. Should be better next week. 

My Pelicans came through big for the 2nd week in a row after an abysmal week one to down the Spurs 1318-1153, my week was bolstered by an absolutely insane single night score

of 335, while the Spurs only managed a high of 244 on the week. The Spurs have since bolstered their roster with a lopsided AF trade for Steph Curry, I'm fucking sorry, but that was dumb, a number 1 pick should never go for 2 mid-rounders, unless they completely bust. I expect Heath will return to being a contender moving forward.

Game of the Week

In what could very well be a preview of this years finals, the Hornets handily defeated the Timberwolves 1357.5-1281.5.  And again, the game all came down to Sunday, where the Hornets put up a +76.5 over Joey's Wolves thanks to monster games by the Unicorn and the King.  And wouldn't you know it, Logan won by 76 points. The Hornets are on a roll, standing atop the mountain at 3-0 currently, but he's not alone. We'll have to wait til next week to find out if he's the last man standing. The Timberwolves, meanwhile, seem to be in a bit of a flux due to what's really been a lackluster year from KAT and Kyle Lowry, but you know, he will find some way to flip Jeff Teague for Anthony Davis or something and right the ship soon enough.

I'll be back next week with a week 4 recap that will be far more in depth and just...ya know...better.  Until then, I'm out.